Emotional abuse in teen relationships

Imagine a typical high school relationship: Just harmless puppy love, right? Well, not always. Sure, there’s nasty break ups every now and then, but sometimes relationships cross the line into abuse. When most think of abuse, they think punching and shoving and beating. But what happens when the bruises are on the inside? The trauma is still just as great. Emotional abuse is when a person subjects another person to behavior that may result in psychological damage. Many times the victims suffer from anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder as a result.

Suffering from emotional abuse is hard enough, but being a student in high school could make it seem almost unbearable. A student who wishes to remain anonymous said, “I couldn’t concentrate in school. All I could think about is what I did wrong and why he wouldn’t forgive me.” Being in an emotionally unhealthy relationship  can cause developing self-esteem to drop significantly. “He would call me stupid, and if I didn’t do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, then I would be ‘neglecting’ him. I started to believe his words,” the student explained.

Victims of abuse often do not know they are being abused. The abuser will often take on a “hot and cold” attitude or blame the victim for their behavior. “Some days would be great. I’d wake up to a sweet message in the morning and everything would be fine. Other days, I would come to school shaking and crying because I had made him so angry,” the student said. In mature, or adult, relationships, it’s hard to tell when the person is being abused. But with teenagers, it can be even harder. “He would take me out to eat and tell me he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. If I didn’t say it back, then he would get angry all over again,” the student spoke about some of the arguments they experienced.

Sometimes, emotional abuse can cross the line into physical. When asked if that was the case, the student answered, “He threatened me, but never touched me. But I was always scared he would.”

This student was able to safely remove herself from the relationship. Emotional abuse can have effects long after the fact, such as mental health and social interaction. “I have nightmares about the fights, and I have trouble talking to new people. I’m scared or sad all the time because I was convinced no one would ever love me,” the student described her experiences after the fact. “It changed my look on love and trust, and shouldn’t happen to anyone so young.”